Thursday, September 18


"Well, love is insanity. The Ancient Greeks knew that. It is the taking over of a rational and lucid mind by delusion and self-destruction. You lose yourself, you can't even think straight"

                                                                                                          - Marilyn French

I’ve never been so baffled by how I think and feel, it happens so rare, so rare it got me dumbfounded. I always got a heads up, I kept telling myself that I’m good at this, but the tables turned, I should be the one playing this game but it ends up I’m the one being played.

I should be running home to my PROTECTED
 TERRITORY;MY SAFE ZONE where I can get 
a hold of myself, where I can win the game but here I am continuing the game, the game I know I would lose, putting my goddamn heart and soul at stake, waiting for the bomb to be dropped that’d leave me shattered into pieces, in lieu of what? Ephemeral happiness?

I’ve been so reckless, I’m so convinced that I would win, I let everything slip off under my radar, if only I have known, I should’ve closed my eyes to things that would make me na├»ve, things that would make me vulnerable, things that would be the death of me, but I let it all slip off,  that brought me to my current state, I am incurable, I can’t form coherent thoughts, all the thoughts I have were all ludicrous, I know it will end soon and it’ll have a tragic ending but to my surprise I just don’t care, whatever this is, whatever’s happening I DON'T WANT THIS TO END.

My insanity got me so high, put me in a state of bliss and made me forget things, maybe that’s the reason why I don’t want this to end, I'VE NEVER FELT SO LOST AND ALIVE at the same time, it’s all new to me I got overwhelmed with the bizarre emotions; emotions that I never knew existed, but honestly there’s still a part of me that wasn’t that insane, a part of me that’s so scared of the inevitable. If that time comes I hope that my insanity also took out my ability to feel and made me numb so that I wouldn’t be able to feel any pain but for now I will just savor the moment cause that's the only thing I'll ever get from this MESSED UP SITUATION I have gotten myself in. 



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